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Why was Cinderella bad at soccer?

Answer: Because she ran away from the ball!

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Answer: Poke her face =Þ

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day’ the cop said. The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’ When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket

Little Bobby, who was quite a bit of a troublemaker and was always getting in trouble at school and at home, came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Little Bobby: Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Bobby’s mother: Do you think that you deserved to get a bike for your birthday?
Little Bobby: Of Course I Do.
Bobby’s mother: Bobby, go to your room, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
**************

Letter 1
Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
**************

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby

**************
Bobby knew that this wasn’t true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************

Letter 4

God,

I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. She told him to be home in time for dinner. Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran  out of the church,
down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
**************

Letter 5

God,
I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE
HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked the shelf stacker, “Do these chickens get any bigger?” He replied, “No , they’re dead.”