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A man comes home and shouts “Honey! Pack your bags! I just hit the lottery!”
She screams “OMG! What should I pack?”
He says, “Everything! Get the f*** out!”

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it”, she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just cannot understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…. Hellooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!”

Why was Cinderella bad at soccer?

Answer: Because she ran away from the ball!

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Answer: Poke her face =Þ

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

‘I’ve been waiting for you all day’ the cop said. The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’ When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket