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Little Bobby, who was quite a bit of a troublemaker and was always getting in trouble at school and at home, came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Little Bobby: Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Bobby’s mother: Do you think that you deserved to get a bike for your birthday?
Little Bobby: Of Course I Do.
Bobby’s mother: Bobby, go to your room, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
**************

Letter 1
Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

**************

Bobby knew that this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
**************

Letter 2

Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby

**************
Bobby knew that this wasn’t true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
**************

Letter 3

Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

**************

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************

Letter 4

God,

I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby’s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. She told him to be home in time for dinner. Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran  out of the church,
down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
**************

Letter 5

God,
I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE
HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked the shelf stacker, “Do these chickens get any bigger?” He replied, “No , they’re dead.”

An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars at a bank, was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, ‘Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty??

Why it change?’

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations’ .

The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people, too’.

For those who did not understand - Fluctuations sounds (or at least the Asian lady understood it) something like fluc Asians.. and fluc.. I guess you all understood that :p

These are some answers that some 17 year old kid wrote in a job application to work with McDonalds… He seems like a smart ass.

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

This guy is funny.

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been > >withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.

The attendant replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: “May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,” she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, “Fuck You!”

Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”